


Tony Stark & His Amazing Mutant Platypus

by SunnySinclair



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Darcy has many secrets, Gen, Nifflers aren't scared of Black Widow, Tony Stark has a lot of shiny things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-09-06 10:50:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8747650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunnySinclair/pseuds/SunnySinclair
Summary: Tony finds a strange creature in his workshop in the middle of the night. A creature that really seems to love shiny things. And Tony sure has a lot of shiny things.





	

Tony stretched his arms out as he headed towards his lab space, mouth open wide in a yawn. Lights flicked on automatically in his path, the lab illuminating as he put his palm to the scanner by the door.

He’d made it all the way to his main work bench before twigging that something was wrong. He looked around, suddenly very awake and very alert.

It took two scans of the shop before he noticed it, frozen on the shoulder of his suit. The little black eyes looked at him and flicked away, like it thought if it just stayed still he wouldn’t notice.

Tony wondered if he was still asleep and dreaming. The creature was small, black furred, with a bill and a paddle tail, and long clawed little hands.

Those little hands were on the face plate of his helmet, right where it connected.

The moment drew out, Tony staring at the…thing, the thing trying to hold still, but it was breathing rapidly and those eyes kept flicking around.

“Hey!” Tony gave a shout and very suddenly it was all movement, scrabbling down off his suit and landing on the floor, little legs flailing as it got its footing then shot off to the other side of the room. Tony went after it, tossing himself to the floor, but just missed it as it squeezed under a cabinet.

He didn’t know what to think when there was a tinkle of metal and a bundle of screw and nuts and – hey, those were little bits off his armour! They all came spilling out from under the cabinet, but before he could even reach for anything those little hands were back, grabbing each piece of shiny metal away.

“Friday!” Tony called, sitting back on his rear in front of the cabinet. “Call pest control or an exterminator or something. And tell me what the hell this thing is? Or how about how it got in here.”

Because he’d never had any kind of animal break in to his tower before, and there was no way a critter was going to wreck his suit stealing little bits of it.

“Sorry boss,” Fridays accented voice filtered through. “I have no matching animal in my database. The closest match is a platypus, a native species of-”

“Australia.” Tony finished up for her.

“There aren’t any reports of an escaped platypus currently, but I’ve lodged a report with city animal control.”

“Great,” Tony scowled. “And in the meantime we just keep it holed up under here? I want my stuff back, have to fix the damage the little bastards done.” He shot a look back at his suit, picking out where bits of the armour had been pulled off, a couple of plates from the fingers, a bit of the shoulder – it was all superficial damage, easy enough to fix, but Tony was annoyed on principle.

Friday didn’t offer any further insight and Tony heaved a sigh. It wasn’t like animal control was going to show up at two in the morning to take care of this.

Fine, Tony was resourceful, he could outsmart a platypus, get it trapped and have it ready to hand over when they arrived.

“Alright,” he grunted, getting to his feet. “One platypus trap coming up.”

He’d barely begun working on a makeshift trap when he caught a flash of movement. The critter had darted out from under the cabinet and was up on another of Tony’s work benches, studying a platinum screw, then tucked it in to a pouch on its belly.

“What are you, part crow?” Tony asked, flabbergasted at its blatant thieving. “Come here!” He lunged at it again, almost getting a hand on it but it slipped away. It was fast, agile, and, apparently, a pretty good climber. Tony watched as it scrambled up the side of the same cabinet, all the way to the top, out of Tony’s reach. It held up another bit of shiny metal it must have grabbed and studied it before it, too, disappeared in to that pouch.

“Boss,” Friday interjected, whilst Tony stood with his hands on his hips fuming at the animal. “I don’t think that it is a platypus.”

“What?” Tony asked, distracted, not wanting to take his eyes off the creature.

“I’ve been analysing its behaviour. Appearance wise it looks similar to the platypus, but they don’t have any kind of pouch or an interest in shiny objects. Nor can they climb.”

Tony threw his hands in the air, beyond frustrated. He’d come down to the lab because he couldn’t sleep, looking to do a bit of tinkering on a new firing system. Instead he was playing chase with an unidentified animal that was pilfering every shiny thing in his lab piece by piece.

And Tony had a lot of shiny things in his lab.

Before he could come up with a better plan for dealing with the mutant platypus it was on the move again, sliding down the side of the cabinet and taking off for the door. It was gone before he had time to take more than two steps.

“Friday, track that thing,” he barked, marching in to the hall after it.

“It’s gone boss,” Friday announced.

“Gone? Tony demanded. “Gone where, gone how?”

“It went in to the vent, boss. I have no way to track it in the air system.”

“Well, make sure animal control is here first thing in the morning. And keep a look out for that thing. If there’s even one shot I want it caught.”

 

Several hours later Tony fell back in to bed. Friday hadn’t spotted the animal again. Even though he doubted it, he was hoping it was just gone.

He’d just dozed off when he felt a weight on his chest and a tickle around the edge of the arc reactor in his chest. His eyes flew open and he grabbed instinctively, staring in shock at the critter in his hands. It stared right back at him, its little feet flailing.

“Alright!” Tony announced. “You’re going in a cage. There’s gotta be one around here.”

“Tony?” Pepper asked blearily, sitting up. “What’s going on?”  
“Nothing, nothing. Just a little intruder. I’m taking care of it.”

“Intruder?” She asked, rubbing at her eyes. “What?” She blinked a few times, then zeroed in on the animal. “Friday, lights.”

They both winced at the sudden brightness, but it was Peppers coo that really caught Tony by surprise.

“Oh, it’s cute! What is it?”

“Friday reckons some kind of mutant platypus.”

“I never said mutant,” Friday interjected.

“Fine, I’m saying mutant. It’s a mutant platypus.”

“A mutant platypus? Really, Tony?” Pepper said, reaching over to take the beast from him. It was barely out of his hands before it darted up Pepper’s arm and around her neck, then to the foot of the bed.

“Is that-” Tony started.

“It just stole my earring!” Pepper exclaimed, a hand going to her ear as they watched it look at the piece of gold. A moment later the earring was gone, in to that pouch like all the rest.

For all it wasn’t interested in getting caught, the thing wasn’t showing much distress at being so near to them. In fact, it was creeping a little closer, eyes on Pepper’s other earring.

“Geez, ok,” Tony muttered. “This is ridiculous. Stay still Pep, I’ll catch it and then animal control can get it outta here.”

Her other earring was gone before he even finished the sentence.

“Well that was a good plan.”

“Don’t worry, I’m going to get it.”

 

He didn’t get it though. Morning came and he had people meet with animal control and show them pictures of it.

The reports that came back to him was that they were baffled by what it was too.

Tony was sticking with his mutant theory. It was the only thing that made sense.

They left a few traps to set out, cages to catch it. They were set up around the tower, and even though Tony didn’t explain why he ordered them to be baited with some metallic objects instead of food.

It was two days before Tony saw the critter again, and it wasn’t in one of those cages.

He woke up to discover it on his chest again, except it wasn’t probing at his arc reactor this time, just curled up on top of it. As soon as he moved it was gone though, back to the foot of the bed and watching him.

He looked at it oddly, before settling back in bed, and a minute later it was back, crawling up on to his chest and getting cosy again.

“Fine,” Tony muttered. “Try taking it out again and you’re in trouble.”

 

That pattern went on for some weeks. It would disappear for a couple of days, then Tony would see it again, either just around the tower pilfering anything shiny it could get its hands on to go in that pouch, or curled up on his chest whilst he slept.

Given its penchant for stealing, Tony was pretty sure who was responsible when Natasha’s mood took a suddenly sour turn. Clint admitted that they were both wary since someone had gotten in to both their apartments and made off with things. Clint had had a watch and several arrow heads stolen.

Natasha had a collection of knives taken.

Tony debated telling them about their interloper who had a habit of getting in and out of anywhere without being seen, even with Friday on watch.

He decided against it though – the little guy was growing on him and he’d hate to see it skewered for stealing from the wrong woman.

A month had passed when Tony went in to his room and found the thing had made a nest in one of his drawers. All his socks had been pushed aside though, and instead the space was filled with piles of metal – coins, gears, screws, nuts and bolts, a few bits of jewellery, and carefully arranged the knives and arrowheads the super spy twins had had taken.

Pepper found it adorable, that Tony was letting it stay, and she’d taken more than a couple of pictures when Tony had fallen asleep and it had curled up with him.

The others became aware of it bit by bit, as it got more comfortable and spent more time hanging around Tony. It had become common for it to ride around on his shoulder, scampering off to get its paws on whatever took its eye and then climbing back up.

Natasha squared it with a look one day and, very quietly, advised it never to steal from her again.

Tony had to admire his strange little companion when that evening it came in to the room and pulled one of her Widow’s Bites out of it’s pouch.

He couldn’t figure out how it even fit the piece in there, but he had to respect it for the gall. He did give Natasha new ones though, very very quickly.

Steve had been bemused the first time he heard the distinctive clang of his shield falling over and, when walking in to his living room, had found it rolling around on the vibranium.

They were still completely at a loss for what it was though.

Until Thor came back.

It wasn’t Thor that held any answers though – he brought Jane with him, and tailing after the pair was Darcy. She walked in to the common room and took one look at the animal sitting on a sofa cushion and playing with some platinum pieces Tony had made for it.

Her eyes went wide and she pointed at it, mouth hanging open. “What the hell are you- how the- why is there a Niffler on your sofa?”

“Niffler?” Tony asked, perking up. “Wait, you know what it is? How do you know what it is? Nobody’s been able to say what is is for over a month.”

Darcy flushed red and shook her head, too aware of the various eyes on her from the Avengers around the room.

“I-no?”

“No?” Tony repeated, confused. “What do you mean no?”

“Uh, I mean, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Your pet is weird Stark. You have a weird pet.”

Tony narrowed his eyes at her and crossed his arms.

“Yeah, not buying it Lewis. What do you know?”

“That I’m in a lot of shit,” she muttered, a hand going in to her pocket. “Sorry guys, but I have to… Just don’t hate me… Not that you’ll remember, so…” She was babbling a little as she pulled out her wand and raised it, planning to Obliviate the lot of them. What they were doing living with a Niffler she didn’t know, but it was definitely a problem when it came to the Statute of Secrecy.

Before she could cast the spell though the wand was knocked out of her hand, Clint’s aim just as good with odd decorative baubles as it was with arrows. Natasha had the wand in hand a moment later, twirling it between her fingers.

“Are you trying to attack us with a stick?” Tony demanded. “What the hell?”

“Drop it, Tony.”

Darcy looked at Natasha in shock as she approached and held the wand out for Darcy to take back.

“But she-”

“Drop it.”

“I deserve an explanation he-”

“Tony, last warning. Drop it, now. If you stop talking right now then you can keep you pet. Deal?”

She wasn’t looking at Tony as she said it though, her eyes instead locked on Darcy’s. Mutely, Darcy gave a small nod. “Good,” Natasha smiled. “Now, that’s settled, I think we need drinks. Celebrate Thor and the ladies arrival.”

“Sounds good,” Clint said, picking up on what Natasha was putting down and rounding the bar.

Tony looked between the lot of them, spluttering, but as Darcy put the wand back in her pocket he just tossed his hands in the air.

“Fine! But only for Dennis’ sake.”

“Dennis?” Clint asked with a snort from behind him. “You named it Dennis?”

Tony just scowled at the lot of them before snatching up the scotch Clint had just put up on the bar and holding out a hand to the Niffler. Dennis popped his shiny’s in his pouch and hopped up on to Tony’s shoulder, blinking at them all as Tony swept out of the room.

“Um-” Darcy started.

“Don’t mention it,” Natasha interrupted. “Besides, it was for Tony. That thing might be a little thief, but having it around makes him happy.”

“Well, I guess that’s worth a little lawbreaking,” Darcy shrugged. “Still, I’m demanding a safe for my room right now. Last time a Niffler stole something of mine it took almost a week to sort through its stash to get it back.”

Smirking, Natasha handed her a drink before tossing back her own shot of vodka.

“Don’t worry, Tony will take care of it.”


End file.
